As so many people dress to the hilt today, displaying bright spring colors and heading to church , I couldn't help but wonder what I look like today. Not on the outside, as I sit here in my pajama pants and sweatshirt, disheveled hair, and no make-up, but rather, on the inside. Of course, we can't see the inside of a man, but the inside springs forward through our actions. So, what do my actions and reactions say about the child of God I am on the inside. So, I reflected back to the account of the cross, and all of the actions and reactions that surrounded our Lord and Savior. What did they look like, and who, in comparison, would I most resemble?
My thoughts first drifted to Mary, the mother of Jesus, and the character of the woman who found great favor in the sight of the Lord. Enough favor in fact, to have the unique honor of carrying and giving birth to her Savior. She watched Him grow, and teach, and heal, and forgive. She watched Him as He bore chains and whips and thorns, without violent action or spite-filled reaction. She looked on as He hung on a cross that shouldn't have had to be His, and wept as He drew His last fleshly breath. Through all of this, she honored and worshipped God, having been foretold the plan of salvation, and the events that would come. Do I look like her? Not hardly.
I then thought about Peter, and how conflicted he was. He laid down everything to follow Jesus, and loved Him greatly. He was ready to fight, even at the cost of his own life, and did until Jesus commanded him to not live by the sword. Yet, through all of that devotion and loyalty, Peter found himself denying Jesus in the most crucial of moments. Then, consumed with humiliation, he ran. Do I resemble Peter? Yes, there have been times that I followed Jesus with everything I am, and still got it wrong. At times, I still tried to fight battles in the flesh, and yes, there have been times that I didn't stand for truth. Thank God I have learned what Peter found out, that God is right there waiting for us to turn to Him and fall into His grace and forgiveness.
I pondered the crowd, and how easily they became overtaken with the emotion of the mob. How, so many who had heard Jesus speak, and watched Him perform miracles, could so easily follow the majority. Have I looked like that? yes.
I thought of Pontius Pilate and how he washed his hands of the blood of Jesus. I also considered that he allowed fear of consequence to keep him from intervening in the crucifixion of our Lord. In the end, we know that it was God's plan, and that He used the weaknesses of man to fulfill His ultimate goals. Am I a Pilate? At times. I can say that many times I have seen God use my weaknesses to gow something great in my life.
My greatest prayer is that, at the end of the day, and more so, at the end of this life, when I face the final judgement, God will see a reflection of the many influences He has placed in my life. I pray that I learn from the failures of Peter and the great comeback that he made through Jesus' sacrifice. I pray that I would find the humility that Mary possessed and the great desire to serve God, even in loss. I pray that I will walk away from the voice of the crowd to find peace and vision of God's plan without the fear of what men will say and do. Most of all, I pray that I will resemble Jesus, who came, and gave freely, suffering greatly, and loving much! God bless you and Happy Resurrection Day!
